How to Deal with a Breakup: A Step-by-Step Guide

Does a breakup after years of relationship hit harder than one that lasts some months or weeks? Does a breakup affect us not just emotionally but also physically? How can one deal with a breakup? These questions can look very daunting, especially if you have had a breakup recently. Personal counsellor and transformational coach Jyotsna Ahuja Kapoor, founder of The White Space tells us more about how to deal with a breakup.

Deal With Breakups
Image: Pexels

Stages Of Dealing With Breakup

“While not quite as intense as the physical loss or death of a loved one, breakups have a similar effect on us as someone leaving permanently,” points out Ahuja Kapoor. A breakup also shows the unrealized dreams one had – with respect to that relationship – and the loss of comfort or stability one felt with the person. “We mourn the loss of hope and so the loss of our dreams. The biggest loss we mourn however the feeling of comfort is or being safe in the other person’s presence, because therein we finally experienced our greatest joy in the ability to be vulnerable and yet stay safe, she adds. She shares the Kübler-Ross Model in Psychology that shows these five stages “beautifully”:

Stages Of Dealing With Breakup
Image: Shutterstock

Denial: You don’t want to accept even the possibility that it could end.

Anger: Usually, here is where blame and shaming each other show up.

Bargaining: THis kicks in wherein you actually even consider compromising on things that are actually extremely important to you - just so you can experience the numbing comfort of the relationship. When you realise this actually just won’t work is when you reach the next stage.

How to Deal with Depression After Breakup
Image: Pexels

Depression: This sets in after the bargaining stage. It is important to be brave at this stage and accept how deeply you’ve been impacted by the loss and stay true to your feelings.

Acceptance: If you’ve done well in the earlier stage, then finally the final stage starts. Here is when you start to experience even a glimmer of hope for the future again.

These stages have no set time limit. Each person can go through these five stages in different time spans.

Breakup Affect Emotionally
Image: Shutterstock

How To Get Over Someone In A Healthy Way Post Breakup

When they say ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’, they don’t just mean a book title but that women and men are wired differently… “Men are more task-oriented, women are more nurturing, emotionally oriented,” Ahuja Kapoor points out. It is essential to realize that emotional well-being is affected by a breakup and one should find ways to deal with it.

The expert notes, “It helps women to discuss their emotions with someone trusted or to spend time in nurturing activities such as cooking or spending time with kids. For career women, they have the added opportunity of immersing themselves in work like a lot of men do. It’s advisable to keep your mind occupied as well as do something tangible or creative which has an end-result so that you have a goal to work towards.”

Healthy Way Post Breakup
Image: Shutterstock

Relationship Post Breakup

Ahuja Kapoor states that “getting into a new relationship immediately after a breakup is one of the biggest mistakes you can make because it’s the emotional equivalent of eating junk food. You’ll binge and ultimately end up secretly disgusted with yourself for not having better discernment and/or waiting it out.”

One must be strong health-wise and emotionally as an individual whether one is single or in a relationship. “While the time differs from person to person, ideally at least three months is a good gap to get to know someone new well enough to consider getting into a relationship with them,” adds Ahuja Kapoor.

Relationship Post Breakup Infographic
Image: Pexels

What To Do Post Breakup

Turn this into an opportunity. Do things that you always wanted to do but couldn’t as either your partner wasn’t keen on it, or it was a solo activity. Keeping yourself occupied is also a good way to get back to normalcy. Here are some ideas on how to do just that post-breakup.

What To Do Post Breakup
Image: Shutterstock

Focusing on health: Join a group class for yoga, Zumba or something similar that interests you. It will help keep you busy and also have you getting fit. Ensure you eat healthy too.

Family time: Take this time to get together with your family and relatives. Have luncheons together or card parties.

Party with friends: This will not only have you enjoying yourself but also take your time off the breakup. It will also drive away any feeling of loneliness.

Way to Deal with Post Breakup
Image: Pexels

Disconnect from the Ex: Keeping in touch with your ex won’t help you get away from the emotions and feelings related to him or her. Not having any contact – over social media or messaging – will help you detach.

Concentrating on work: Work will help keep you and your mind busy and keep you away from all those unwanted thoughts.

Dr Rohit Bhaskar, Physio
Dr Rohit Bhaskar, Physio Dr. Rohit Bhaskar, Physio is Founder of Bhaskar Health and Physiotherapy and is also a consulting physiotherapist. He completed his Graduation in Physiotherapy from Uttar Pradesh University of Medical Sciences. His clinical interests are in Chest Physiotherapy, stroke rehab, parkinson’s and head injury rehab. Bhaskar Health is dedicated to readers, doctors, physiotherapists, nurses, paramedics, pharmacists and other healthcare professionals. Bhaskar Health audience is the reason I feel so passionate about this project, so thanks for reading and sharing Bhaskar Health.

Post a Comment

Listen to this article


* indicates required