How to Make Sex Last Longer

Reaching climax faster than your partner is common, so don’t get down on yourself. Fortunately, most people who climax quickly can learn how to last longer. Exercises and lifestyle changes can help improve control, and there are lots of climax-delaying techniques you could try during sex. Climax control products and medications could also be worth a shot. If your partner finishes too soon, try to approach the topic as a team. Avoid placing blame, and let them know that you want to work together to build physical and emotional intimacy.

Making Lifestyle Changes

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    Relax and encourage yourself. Anxiety and self-doubt are major mood killers, so try to be optimistic. Approaching sex with confidence, self respect, and a positive attitude can make all the difference for both you and your partner.[1]
    • Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts about your performance, think to yourself, "Sam, finishing fast is common and you shouldn’t get down on yourself. You can deal with this!"
    • Referring to yourself by name can be more effective when practicing positive self-talk.[2]
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    Work on lasting longer during masturbation. Trying to reach climax as quickly as possible during masturbation can train your body to expect a quick finish.[3] Masturbating a few times a week and a couple hours before sex can help delay climax, especially if you practice lasting longer when you masturbate.
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    Start doing pelvic floor exercises. Exercising the muscles that control ejaculation can help you last longer. To identify these muscles, stop urination midstream and tighten the muscles that prevent passing gas. To exercise them, tighten them for 3 seconds, relax for 3 seconds, then repeat 5 to 10 times.[4]
    • It might be easier at first to exercise while lying down or seated, but try to do them standing, too. As you strengthen the muscles, aim for 3 sets of 10 repetitions per day.
    • Try to only tighten those muscles that help control urination and passing gas. Don’t just flex your buttocks or thighs.
    • Breathe normally as you exercise, and avoid holding your breath.
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    Cut down on alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol and other substances can cause premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and other performance issues. Avoid drugs and alcohol before sex and try to cut down your overall use.[5]
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    Find a regular sexual partner if possible. If you typically date around, consider settling down with someone. Being intimate with one person can help you become more comfortable and confident during sex. When you’re comfortable with someone, it’s easier to have an open conversation about improving your sex life.[6]

Trying Techniques During Sex

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    Try stimulating your partner first. Give your partner some attention without stimulating yourself or letting them touch your sensitive parts. That way, you’ll sync up your levels of excitement and climax closer to the same time.
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    Use slower movements. Taking your time can help you last longer, so try to prioritize the journey over the destination. Approach sex like a sensual dance instead of just a series of rapid movements.[7]
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    Try new positions. Changing positions can help you refocus your attention and reset your excitement level. Further, trying new positions can teach your body to get out of its normal routine.[8]
    • In addition, if there’s one position that always seems to do the trick for you, save it for last.[9]
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    Take slow, deep breaths when you feel close. Slowing your breathing as you feel close to climaxing can help shut down the orgasm reflex. Take a slow, deep breath and expand your belly as you inhale. Hold your breath for 2 or 3 seconds, then exhale slowly.[10]
    • Keep breathing slowly until you no longer feel close to climaxing.
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    Think of something else for a moment. When you feel close, try to distract yourself by thinking about something non-sexual, like work, sports, a TV show, or school. Temporarily diverting your attention can help you relax and slow down.[11]
    • Try not to spend the entire time thinking about something else. You still want to be present and stay focused on pleasing your partner.[12]
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    Try taking breaks. The stop and start method involves withdrawing from your partner when you feel close. Take a break for about 30 seconds, then start having sex again. Repeat the stopping and starting technique until you and your partner are both ready to climax.[13]
    • You can also take deep breaths or think about something else when you take a break.
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    Give the squeeze method a shot. To use the squeeze technique, withdraw from your partner when you feel close. You (or your partner) then gently squeeze the part of the penis where the underside of the head meets the shaft. Squeeze for a few seconds, then wait about 30 seconds before starting to have sex again.[14]
    • Don’t squeeze too hard, and don’t use the technique if it causes pain or discomfort.

Using Products and Medications

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    Wear a thicker condom. Check your local drugstore for climax control condoms. They’re thicker, and some brands contain a numbing agent that helps temporarily reduce sensitivity.[15]
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    Use a desensitizing lubricant. You can find topical numbing agents online or at your local drugstore. They’re available as creams, sprays, and wipes, and are usually applied 10 to 15 minutes before sex.
    • Wear a condom when using a topical numbing agent to prevent reducing your partner’s sensitivity.
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    Ask your healthcare provider about prescription medications. If you haven’t had any luck with other solutions, ask your doctor or pharmacist if an oral medication could be effective. Taking a low-dose SSRI a few hours before sex could help delay orgasm.
    • If you experience both erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation, prescription medications for ED could be effective for both issues.[16]

Helping Your Partner Last Longer

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    Approach the subject as a team. Sexual performance can be a sensitive subject. Bring up the topic by telling your partner that you value them and the intimacy you share. Let them know that you don’t see it as something they have to fix on their own. Rather, tell them that you want to work on your sex life as a team.[17]
    • You could say, "This isn’t just on you - we should work together to make our sex life the best it can be. Plus, I’m excited to work on pleasing each other as much as possible!"
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    Avoid assigning blame. Try to be optimistic and constructive instead of making your partner feel like there’s something wrong with them.[18]
    • Say something like, "I care about you and want you to know I’m not judging you in any way. I know we can work together to build our physical and emotional intimacy."
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    Be open and patient about trying out new techniques. Ask your partner what they think might work. Do your best to keep the conversation honest but low-pressure. Have patience, try out new techniques, and see what works best for you and your partner.[19]
    • Tell them, "This is a process that might take some time, and that’s totally normal. Let’s just try out some new tricks and see what works."
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    Consider going to couples therapy. Performance issues can put a strain on a relationship. While it’s helpful to approach the situation as a team, you should also be honest about all of your feelings, including frustration. Couples counseling could help you and your partner sort out complex emotions and explore issues that might be interfering with intimacy.[20]
    • When you discuss counseling, try not to frame it negatively. Instead, you could say, "We’re both feeling a lot of emotions, and I think a counselor could give us a fresh perspective. It’s better if we sort through our feelings instead of taking them out on each other."
Dr Rohit Bhaskar, Physio
Dr Rohit Bhaskar, Physio Hey, I am founder of Bhaskar Health and completed my Graduation in Physiotherapy from Uttar Pradesh University of Medical Sciences. My clinical interests are in Chest Physiotherapy, stroke rehab, parkinson’s and head injury rehab.

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